Original Story here http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/07/12/no-small-fries-restaurant-bans-kids-under-six-years-old/

Ah, what a spot of good news!  Here’s a win for adults tired of having to deal with the far-too-common annoyance of out of control children in public places.  Finally, a restaurateur with some common sense! 

“Beginning July 16, 2011, McDain’s Restaurant will no longer admit children under six years of age. We feel that McDain’s is not a place for young children. Their volume can’t be   controlled and many, many times, they have disturbed other customers.”

Oh, I wish I was closer to Monroeville, Pa. so I could frequent this fine establishment!  Now, for all of you parents with small children who are “offended” by this sentiment–get over it!  There used to be a time, technically not so long ago, when children were taught how to behave in public–and if they couldn’t, the parent would remove them.  But now, “Social Embarrassment” or “manners” are a thing of the past so rather than allow out of control kids and their self-centered parents ruin the dining experience of adults, the owner of this restaurant has instituted a policy to enforce simple common sense and courtesy.  Pretty pathetic that you have to have rules about common sense and courtesy, huh?

But that’s America in 2011.  A nation of self-centered jackasses and nincompoops worshiping Snookie and getting tattoos all over their bodies, including their faces.  Aren’t they soooo cool?  Gee, wonder why they can’t get a decent job?  That’s OK, here’s your Food Stamps and Section 8 Housing Voucher–the “squares” will pay your way, Fonzie!   Hey, you deserve it, you’re special!

Seriously, you’d never have to have such rules just 20 years ago–people still had a sense of dignity about themselves.  But not now–oh no, no way!  Try and tell Slobbo McGuillicutty and his baby-momma to keep their kids under control and you’re angling for a beating, yo!  How dare you “diss” Slobbo!  So, Slobbo and the baby-momma make spectacles of themselves while everyone’s evening is ruined.  But that’s a good night for Slobbo and the gang–they busted up your nice night real good!  What a great country we live in!

Now, many people might say “I teach my kids manners and they’re always well behaved in public” – maybe so, but that’s not good enough!  Since there are so many others who refuse to discipline their kids, everyone now must suffer.  This is what happens when society breaks down.  Common courtesy and social graces disappear, and rules and laws have to be adopted to keep people from killing each other.  Wonderful.  Some might think this is a bit draconian–really?  You can’t even smoke in a BAR in most places in this country and you think this is draconian? Just be quiet.

And it’s not just the kids–their parents can be just as awful in their behavior.  How many times have you been in a decent establishment only to have a group of “Fellas” next to you dropping “F-bombs”, “MF-bombs”, and (especially here in NYC) “MF’n N-word bombs” as if they were talking about the weather?  Real nice if your trying to have a civilized time with a date, or perhaps your elderly parents or grandparents.  Apparently, public vulgarity is the new “black”.

Hopefully one day we can lure all of these “types” of people into one area with the promise of “free stuff” and the vulgarity they can muster–someplace nobody likes and is a dump anyway, like Detroit–and when they’re all in, put a big wall around it and never let them out.  We can air-drop food and supplies every month and watch them fight it out for the provisions on TV via Pay-Per-View.  That’ll solve the debt crisis right there. 

So parents, take your kiddies to Chuck-e-Cheese or McDonald’s and let them scream and yell all they want while you’re zonked on Ambiens….just don’t take them to decent restaurants and adult establishments–oh, and spring for the couple of bucks and hire a sitter the next time you go to a movie for God’s sake!

-MM

This is a fitting post for the upcoming 4th of July weekend-basically this distinctly human trait of ruining anything that’s good.  Look at our own country; had a great thing going then we all just sat back while politicians raped the treasury and bribed certain segments of the population with other people’ s money in exchange for their votes.   We are now so far in debt it will be impossible to dig out.  For those of you thinking a “recovery” is coming, well get over it.  Massive poverty, riots, and the breakdown of society is already here and it will continue to get worse.  There is no solution.

Now that I’ve brightened your day with a clear-eyed assessment of how people will destroy anything successful, let’s turn to an everyday example that everyone can relate to: Facebook.  Facebook, the mega-successful upstart start-up that made its’ shady creator billions is currently imploding.  Many of you are probably thinking “huh?”–but you just haven’t noticed it yet.  Everything that made Facebook great is being taken away in the pursuit of a couple of extra advertising dollars.  Well, enjoy those extra ad dollars FB; you’re gonna need them!

 As most FB users know, FB has a really bad habit of “changing” features and formats.  Usually for the worse.  But most times these changes are announced, so yeah it’s annoying but it’s usually temporary, or the changes actually help.  There’s also other problems like the incredible amount of spam and viruses that the FB team seems to tolerate as they chase those advertising dollars.  At least one of my friends gets a virus or hacked every single day, and apparently nothing is done about it.  I protect myself by never answering poll questions, opening applications, or playing any type of Facebook game.

But what has prompted this little tirade of mine is what happened to me yesterday with Facebook.  Now, already I was a little miffed with the previous redesign–the one where they made “Top News” your default feed and you had to manually click on “Most Recent” to get your chronological news feed.  But yesterday I signed into Facebook and my “Most Recent” button was gone and replaced with “Questions”–as if I want to be making poll questions for people to answer.  Answering stupid made up poll questions is the type of thing that most people with an above room temperature IQ avoid, thank you very much.  At first I thought my Facebook was broken–tried clicking around, tried resetting my account settings, etc, with no luck.  Then I Googled “Most Recent is gone” and found out what happened…

Apparently the geniuses at Facebook decided to “experiment” with a “new feature” on about 1% of FB users, without telling anybody first.  Great.  Now if I was asked if I’d like to participate in this little exercise in nonsense I would have said no.  But if they just did it anyway, but let me know prior to doing it and asked me to send them my feedback about these new “features”, I wouldn’t have had a problem with that.  I don’t think anybody would have a problem with that.  But no, that’s not what happened, instead I got my FB fuxxated and no way to get it back.  There are now user groups dedicated to this “experiment”–some people are getting there FB “back” after a few weeks, some after a few days, some not at all.  Many people claim to have deleted their profiles over this.  I’ve personally emailed FB about this issue and how bad it is and have received nothing back but an automatic canned response.  How stupid are these people?  Very!

Just so you’re aware, what has happened is that “Most Recents” is gone.  Now your news feed is a jumbled mess of out of order posts you’ve seen dozens of times already.  If you scroll down about halfway through your screen you might see a gray bar that says “Most Recent” on it.  It is very difficult to see and you will scroll past it multiple times before finding it.  This is where your chronological feed starts.  Pretty stupid huh?  “Hey, let’s scroll through all these posts I’ve already seen 15 times already until I get to the chronological feed” – yeah, that’s what people want to do.  Also, to make it even worse, they’ve removed my Events and Birthday Notifications from the right hand side and have replaced it with a Twitter-like “Happening Now” feed consisting of what your friends and what their friends are doing.  So, if someone you don’t know comments on a post by someone you know, you’ll see the comment from someone you don’t know.  You won’t see the post that he was actually commenting on, but you’ll see the comment.  From people who aren’t your friends.   Again, how stupid are these people?  Very!

So if you use Facebook quite a bit like I do, prepare to have your experience ruined.  Honestly, it’s practically useless for me now.  In fact, my FB iPhone app won’t even work right now–just gets the same posts from days ago and it will not update.  Great job, Facebook. 

For those that might think, “Well, you can’t complain–FB is free!” I’ll say it again in a slightly different way….How stupid are you?  Very!  Business models that depend on advertising that do not keenly and closely listen to their “customers” (yes you are a customer–you are the one that brings in ad revenue for them) do not last long.  It’s just the way it is.  So, for this and other reasons, I don’t see FB lasting more than a few more years as a massively popular social networking site.  Between the spam, viruses, hacking, privacy issues, and the endless “need” to change things that already worked fine, the writing is already on the wall–er, on the “Top News” feed.  I think I’ll just change my FB profile to my website address–if you really want to contact ME, that would be the place to go.

-MM

So, the last post talked about the importance of TV for raising a comic’s public profile.  I had mentioned at the end that I did a quick audition for a a promo spot for TV Land after the audition I did for A&E.  Well, no go on the A&E deal, but I did get the TV Land job.  I’ve heard this type of story so many other times from my other actor/comic friends (“gee, I had no idea I was even in the running” or “I just happened to be walking down the street and…”) that I had a feeling I might get this part.  It’s such a random, weird thing.

Anyway, I find out that I got the gig last Friday, and the shoot was on Wednesday of the next week (two days ago).  Fortunately I have a day job that allows me to audition and actually appear in commercials when I get them, so I was pretty psyched.  Wednesday morning came, I groomed myself to the best of my abilities (I actually used a fresh bucket of water this time–and it wasn’t even a Sunday!) and headed out to NYC.  The commercial was being filmed at the offices/studios of TV Land, which was really cool.  TV Land is one of my favorite channels; Fred Sanford, Archie Bunker, Three’s Company–how could you not love TV Land?

Arriving on the second floor, I was a little lost.  There was no reception desk, so I just kinda wandered around for a bit, looking for somebody that looked like they knew what was going on.  Nobody even gave me a second look until I tried to open up one of the studio doors.  “Hey, you can’t go in there!” I heard.  “Oh, is that where Betty White lives?” I replied.  The guy looked at me with a frown…”You must be here for the commercial–you gotta go around to the other side.”

I eventually found out where I was supposed to be and filled out some paperwork, including the payment agreement.  It’s amazing how little you get paid for these things, but oh well–that’s showbiz!  We then went over to wardrobe to find a shirt for me–navy blue was to be my color.  That’s cool, either navy blue or orange always works for me.  Then I went over to hair and makeup.  Ok, just makeup.  The hardest part about the make up was me not being able to talk for 5 minutes.

So after some more waiting around, it was my turn to be filmed.  If you’ve never been in a production studio, think of it as a small room with high ceilings with equipment and wires all over the place and a big green screen as a backdrop.  And about twenty people crammed in the place.  Twenty people that I could see–there were probably another half dozen skulking in the shadows messing with the lights and wires that I couldn’t see.

So I stand on my mark and start doing a whole series of laughs.  First some chuckles, then some giggles, then some all out belly laughs.  Then I did that sequence again.  Then again.  Then again.  We had to stop a couple of times because the production crew was laughing at me laughing…which seems kinda weird.  Anyway, we eventually finished and my stomach felt like I just did 500 sit-ups.  Everyone thanked me and told me how great I was.  For laughing?  Well, ok…
I was ready to go so I asked the makeup guy if he had anything to help take off the face makeup.  One of the women said to me sarcastically “What, don’t you want to walk around outside with makeup on?”  I replied, “I’m sorry, but I wear a completely different kind of makeup when I’m outdoors.”  Fozzie Bear aint go nothin’ on me!

Before I left, they brought out the catered lunch in addition to all the bagels, fruit, and candy I’d been munching on since I got there.  It’s good to live in TV Land!  Finally I asked the director if he knew when the promo was going to start running–he said probably the weekend of July 4th or the week after that.  It’s part of their new “Laugh More” campaign that you might have seen already.  Anyway, if you watch TV Land, look for the spot–I’m the laughing bald guy with the navy blue shirt.

-MM

Been a busy week!  So on Saturday I was asked to participate in a pilot spec shoot for a proposed BBC America television series.  A “pilot spec” is basically a “pitch”–a sample of what the show would look and feel like – usually these are very crude and done on the fly.  This one, however, was done first rate.  It was shot at the People’s Improv Theater on 24th St in NYC–a beautiful space and facility.  Multiple camera set-ups, live studio audience, production assistants making sure I was comfortable (nobody usually cares if I’m comfortable)–great stuff.  The host of the pilot was an Australian TV personality I’ve worked with before at Gotham Comedy Club, Josh Zepps, who’s got a charming Hugh Jackman-like presence and look.

The show itself was a “game show” type of current events format.  There were two “teams” of comedians–and all of the other comics had multiple TV credits as well as appearances on late night talk shows like Conan O’Brien.  Little ‘ol Mike Motz seemed a bit out of place with these other more accomplished performers–I guess they really needed a bald guy who wears bowling shirts…

As for the taping itself, it went very well–lot a fun and I got in a couple of really good zingers.  Hopefully something comes from all of this, but even if it doesn’t, it was a great experience and I got to do a bit of networking.  Some might wonder why getting on TV is so important, I mean, it wasn’t like I was doing Stand Up comedy.  Well, one of the most important things, if not the most important, in this business is notoriety and “fame” – that’s how you make it happen.  Here’s an example:  at Caroline’s Comedy Club in NYC this weekend, Ron Artest will be performing.  Yes, Ron Artest, the basketball player.  Is he funny?  Probably.  Would he be performing at Caroline’s if he wasn’t a famous basketball player?  No way.  Will Caroline’s sell out each show he’s at?  Most definitely.  It’s all about the fame….

So the quest for TV time continues.  Today (Wednesday) I had an audition for an A&E project called “I Love You To Death”.  Ever watch one of those documentary style crime shows where the actual person involved is talking about events while an actor is shown “doing stuff” over the real person’s narration?  Yep, that was what it was for–I auditioned for the role of a detective involved in a murder case.  What were they looking for?  Bald, 40′s, and facial hair.  Check, check, and check–hope I get the part!

And when I walked out, there was another audition across the hall–this was for TV Land; a promo spot.  They asked me if I’d like to audition.  All I had to do was laugh on cue.  Fortunately, I have a very distinctive and goofy laugh which made the casting people laugh while I was laughing.  I guess that’s a good thing – we’ll see.  Keeping my fingers crossed…

-MM

Bowling Concepts and Mike Motz a winning combination.

Susan Babcock, owner of Bowling Concepts, announced recent sponsorship of Mike Motz, a stand-up comedian and actor based out of New York City. Motz has been doing stand-up for five years, performing in such legendry clubs as Caroline’s on Broadway. He’s been a long-time fan of Bowling Concepts, which has been in business for over a decade.

“Our partnership just made a lot of sense,” says Babcock. “Mike wears our shirts exclusively when he’s on stage, and one day we started talking about how we could support each other more. Having him as our ‘spokescomic’ works great for our mostly male audience. Mike loves creating humorous videos. Think parodies on cult favorites like The Big Lebowski, King Pin, and The Sopranos.”

Motz adds, “I’m excited to add some fun to the Bowling Concepts website and social media efforts. It’s a great way to enhance the shopping experience for their customers while at the same time promoting myself and my comedy. Besides, I love the products! The classic look and style of Bowling Concepts shirts ensures that I stand out from the rest of the comedy pack.”  

Welcome Aboard Mike!!!!!

If your outside of the New York area, you might have missed the NY Gubernatorial Debate last week. The participants were like the characters from the bar scene in Star Wars, and made even less sense. The standout,however, was “Rent Is Too Damned High” Party candidate Jimmy McWilliams. This dude had some awesome facial hair, a black suit, and wore black gloves–looked like a villain straight out of a James Bond movie. According to McWilliams, every problem that New York suffers from has one (and only one) cause–”The Rent Is Too Damned High!” Traffic congestion? Rent’s too damn high. Crappy public schools? Rent is too damn high. Bedbugs? Rent is too damn high. Don’t believe me? Here’s a link to a Wall Street Journal article and video about the whole fiasco.

It’s going to be a rough one tonight, folks.  We’ll be pouring extra large beers at the Lounge tonight while Two and a Half Men is on the TV over the bar.  I have a feeling that we’ll all going to need that little extra boost of courage to deal with the trauma.  Charlie’s fiance might have to get a breast reduction.

I know.  It’s too terrible for words.  I can’t go on; here’s the promo -