MikeM | Ever wonder what it would be like to be a SuperBowl Ref?
author | Trash Talk by Mike Motz
On Trash Talk….
For us football fans, last week’s storyline about the Patriots/Jets showdown centered around the “Trash Talk” of the New York Jets and their bellicose (not belichick) coach Rex Ryan. The war of words between the teams dragged on all week, the low-light being Tom Brady being call an “a**h**e” by one of the Jets players. The Patriots responded with their usual cool lack of response. So–would the big bad Patriots ram Rex Ryan’s foot into his mouth? (Sorry, had to insert the obligatory foot reference in there…if you know what I mean) Or, would the Jets finally live up to their self-imposed high expectations and beat the bully-boy Patriots when it mattered most?
Well, we all know what happened now, and the Jets are off to the AFC Championship game, while the Patriots have to (yet again) “wait until next year”. Sometimes, trash talk works. But when it doesn’t…well, the agony of the embarrassment far outstrips the agony of de-feet. (oh great, another foot reference)
For your amusement, here’s some famous trash-talking incidents that…well, didn’t turn out quite the way they were planned.
“My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable. And I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I wanna eat his children. Praise be to Allah.”
~Mike Tyson trash talking Lennox Lewis prior to their much hyped title bout. Lewis won by knockout in the 8th round.
“He didn’t feel like his voice was going to be strong enough and it showed…Sometimes it was almost comical the way that he would say things.”
~a newly retired Tiki Barber commenting on Eli Manning’s leadership skills. The year after Barber retired, the NY Giants won Super Bowl XLIV and Eli Manning was named MVP.
“I can beat this sucker, he won’t touch my jaw”.
~Muhammad Ali on Ken Norton. Norton defeated Ali in their first fight. During the fight, Norton broke Ali’s jaw.
and my personal favorite….
“That’s the Captain, you lodged the protest…you and I wanna run the 100 to see who’s the fastest?”
~Robert “Baa, Baa, Blacksheep” Conrad challenging Gabe “Mr. Kotter” Kaplan to a 100 yard dash to determine the winning team of 1976′s Battle of the Network Stars. Kaplan won. Easily.
If you’re gonna talk trash, you better back it up, kid.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
The First Thanksgiving Football Game
In 1934, the Detroit Lions, in an attempt to break out of the shadow of the powerhouse Detroit Tigers Baseball Club in the sports section of the newspapers, tried a risky little gimmick–play on Thanksgiving. Over 26,000 tickets were sold in a contest against the powerhouse Chicago Bears–it’s estimated that an additional 25,000 tickets could have been sold if the stadium was larger. The Lions were also a powerful team, not giving up a touchdown until the 8th game of the season, and came into the game with a 10-1 record. But the Bears were even more successful with an 11-0 record. The game itself was a classic, and the Bears eventually won the contest 19-16. And thus began the tradition of the Detroit Lions getting their butts kicked pretty much every Thanksgiving Day. Now you know, my friends.
Have a happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your families, friends, turkeys, and football!
This and That
OK City not OK with Lingerie Football League Expansion.
What are they thinking in Oklahoma City? The Lingerie Football League, everyone’s favorite Super Bowl Halftime diversion, is being blocked from expanding into Oklahoma City. Pretty crazy, huh? Beautiful women playing football in lingerie and they say no!?!? Listen, I’ve been to Oklahoma City–between the “near beer” and fast food joints every 15 feet, you can use a Lingerie Football League expansion team, OK OKC?
San Francisco gets down to business
Things must be very much under control in San Francisco–the city’s “rulers” are so bored they’ve taken on the menace
of children’s toys inside of Happy Meals. Whew! Good thing that burning issue has been put to rest….let’s see, what’s the next big problem that San Francisco’s geniuses can fix….oh, here we go! ”San Francisco proposes ballot
measure to outlaw circumcision”— there you go!
What was I saying?
A US study out Thursday suggests that people spend about half of their time thinking
about being somewhere else, or doing something other than what they are doing,
and this perpetual act of mind-wandering makes them unhappy. I’m thinking there
could be some truth to this, but my mind keeps wandering to thoughts of pizza
and the Lingerie Football League, which makes me happy. I guess those unhappy
wanderers are just wandering in the wrong places…
Here’s your bi-weekly roundup of what’s happening out there in the world, with expert analysis by Mike Motz
Movies:
Here’s the new releases for the upcoming week:
Red-Action comedy features Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman as retired spies targeted for death.
Nothing says “funny” like Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, and Morgan Freeman playing retired spies. If they’re targeted or death, why retire in the first place? To me, “retired” means you don’t have to work anymore and nobody’s trying to kill you. I think I’ll save this one until it comes out on cable
Nowhere Boy-Aaron Johnson stars as the teenaged John Lennon, with Kristin Scott Thomas as his Aunt Mimi and Anne-Marie Duff as his mother Julia.
Do we really need to see another movie on John Lennon? Plus, I never heard of any of these people in the movie, so I’ll pass on this one.
It’s Kind of a Funny Story- Zach Galifianakis, Lauren Graham and Keir Gilchrist in a comedy set in a psych ward.
Hasn’t this movie already been made a dozen times before? And Zach Galifaganipganop always plays someone that should be in a psych ward. Stick with The Hangover.
Waiting for Superman–Director Davis Guggenheim ( An Inconvenient Truth) turns his documentary lens on the U.S. public school system.
If I want to watch a documentary, I’ll watch the History Channel for free, thank you very much.
Jackass 3D- The only one of them worth seeing in a theater. Watching Johnny Knoxville get bounced by a bull in 3D is going to be awesome.
Sports
Well, the baseball post season is here and it looks like the Yankees will win it all. Again. Pretty pointless.
Football season’s started and as usual you really don’t know who’s going to be good until about week 10.
The biggest story I’ve seen is the PBA wanting to institute instant replay. Instant replay for bowling? I can see the use for when my friend Smokey accuses me of crossing the line, or to replay the time my friend Jimmy the Deli Manager got slapped in the face by Doris the bowling alley waitress for his lewd pick-up lines, but other than that–seems like a waste of time.
Fashion
“Fashion week” has come and gone and nobody but the metrosexuals and Frenchies even noticed. I won’t notice until they bring back “The Regular Guy” look made famous by Rodney Dangerfield in the classic comedy “Easy Money”. Until then–who cares?
Culture
Saw two things in NYC over the last few days that made me shake my head. The first was “Comic Con”, some big comic-book convention or something. Whole bunch of nerds walking around dressed like Harry Potter and whatnot. I can see that when you’re in your 40′s and have long since given up, but these were young guys-late teens, early 20′s–they’re giving up that soon nowadays? Hey, I was into Dungeons & Dragons when I was like 14 years old–back when it was cool– but I straightened myself out. These kids need a good talking to.
The second thing was a long line of pre-and adolescent mostly asian kids lined up for blocks with “Happy Birthday Toshi!” signs. What is a Toshi? So I checked it out–apparently Toshi is some Japanese singer. So I don’t know what’s worse, asian nerds lining up for some singer’s birthday, or teenagers with there whole lives ahead of them dressing up as comic book characters–you make the call.
Politics
Why do politicians insist on throwing out the first pitch of baseball games when the can’t throw anything except taxpayer’s wallets into the toilet bowl? The latest disaster comes from Charlie Christ of Florida at a Tampa Bay Rays game. Hey Charlie–here’s a hint: They’re laughing at you, not with you.
That’s all for now. In my next entry, I will detail my visit to get acupuncture. Hurt my neck and back a few days ago, and they only thing that stops the pain is walking around with my left arm raised like half a surrendering Frenchman. I’ll let you know if acupuncture is a scam or the real deal. Until then–
Bottoms up!
Tailgating Football the Right Way
It’s Sunday and the football games are getting started for the afternoon. If you’re at home you’re probably settling in for an afternoon in front of the TV. Here in the lounge we’ve all claimed our stools, the drinks are poured and the bowls of chips and pretzels are spread out on the bar.
But if you’re lucky enough to actually be at the game you’re either craning your neck for the overpriced beer guy or standing in line for the overpriced hot dog guy. Or, if you’re smart, you’re checking out the tailgaters; better yet, you’re tailgating yourself.
Tailgating is the perfect marriage of two of American’s great loves – sports and eating. Joe Cahn, the self described Commissioner of Tailgating, describes it as the “last great American neighborhood.”
Recently the Food Network aired Tailgate Warriors, a judged cook off between tailgating fans of the Buffalo Bills and the Chicago Bears when the teams met in Buffalo, NY earlier this year. The show was hosted by one of our favorite bowling shirt wearing celebrities, Guy Fieri.
Most of us probably think of tailgating as a combination of clever cooler packing and grill mastery. But after watching these two cooking teams face off, I now know these hardcore tailgaters are both gadget-heads and alfresco-gourmands. From motorized spits and spinning beer-can chicken cookers on the Chicago side to the over seven foot long, custom built, charcoal fired combination grill, griddle and oven – yes, oven – on the Buffalo side, these were some serious outdoor kitchens.
But it wasn’t all about the gadgets. There were some really great looking recipes, seared scallops, pork loin stuffed with Buffalo style chicken, and even a sundae. Check out the show page for links to the recipes themselves.
There are still plenty of excuses for tailgating coming up this year so keep your coals hot and grill on, baby!
The Greatest Football Movie of All Time
On Monday I promised to tell you the greatest football movie of all time. This was after the unfortunateness that occurred here in the Lounge. Here are a few of the films that we “discussed” on Sunday.
Jerry Macquire
I only mention this one because the guy who broke the mirror during the brawl on Sunday was trying to convince us that JM is the greatest football movie ever. No. Simply no. It might be the greatest chick flick that involves football ever – even the women were saying, “Dude, it’s a chick flick!” – but it barely even ranks as a football movie. I mean, when the most memorable line is “you had me at hello?” C’mon!
Rudy
Who doesn’t love a movie about the underdog making good? I definitely recommend this one to anyone who likes football. It’s a good one, just not the greatest.
The Waterboy
Now, I’ll admit that there’s a soft place in my heart for any movie with Henry Winkler in it. But why did they have to give so much screen time to that mouth-breather, Adam Sandler?
Brian’s Song
Okay, this movie has its place on the list. Who doesn’t tear up just a little at this one? But it’s not really a football movie, is it? I mean football is certainly integral to the main character but it just doesn’t really cut it as a sports film.
The Longest Yard
Football movie, prison movie and Burt Reynolds movie – what, are you kidding me? It simply does get any better. (And if you think I’m talking about the Adam Sandler remake then you are hereby banned from the Lounge!) This is the greatest football movie of all time, hands down, end of discussion.
Too and a Half Men? We do Football, Too!
Last week some jackass wandered into the Lounge and suggested that perhaps we spend a little too much time on Two and a Half Men and not enough on sports, this being a sports bar and all. Naturally, I had him thrown out. This was all made especially traumatic by the fact that that Lounge doesn’t actually exist except as a fictitious bar in my head. I’m still trying to figure out how he got in.
Nevertheless, we – yes, all of us here in the Lounge, and you can stop looking at me like that – are excited that once again we’re getting a new episode of the greatest sitcom in the history of man tonight. (Preview below.) But, for those of you without the taste and sophistication for the comedy stylings of Charlie Sheen and Co. and who might be looking for some sport, we definitely do football here in the Lounge.
Right after THM, the Washington Redskins will be playing the Philadelphia Eagles on ESPN. The TV over the bar will be promptly switched over at 8:30 ET.
Now, when you get to the Lounge tonight you might find the place a bit of a mess. During the games yesterday afternoon someone brought up the topic of football movies. This turned into a conversation about which is the greatest football movie of all time and, naturally, that turned into an all out brawl as everyone each defended his or her choice. A few tables and the mirror behind the bar were broken and I won’t have time to fix everything before tonight.
But there’s no need for further “discussion.” I’ve already decided what the greatest football movie of all time is and I’ll be revealing that on Wednesday. In the meantime, if you think you have a worthy candidate, let us know in the comments section. I’ll consider your choice then I’ll go ahead and post the movie I’ve already picked here on Wednesday.